Birthday Party Weekend

Well Spent. Enough Said.

blah shit blah

*note: jack johnson is the code name for another person with the initials JJ. 'tis the hour of the one they call 'jack johnson'. 'tis the hour to celebrate all things the one they call 'jack johnson' hath gaven us. The loving of all those vajajays doth bring happyness to thy heart. The mature lady hath he christen in thy infamous 'Bungalow'. All thy green rooms he has riden. 'tis the hour to celebrate the 18th birthday of the one they call 'jack johnson', 'tis the hour to buy thy 'jack johnson' a beer or duece. In honour of the one they call 'jack johnson', get down and party with thy 'jack johnson' this end of week. Get filthy wherever you may be, for this weekend, the one they call 'jack johnson' will be with me. Shall i do all these chores to please thy 'jack johnson'? I shall! You shall too! GET GNARLEY FOR THY 'JACK JOHNSON'!

revenge is a dish best served not retarted. read and learn.

you think you know retarded? you think you know the depths of absurd, idiotic and fucked up? let me tell you a story of a stupid girls stupid revenge plan against a slightly-not-as-stupid-but-still-pretty-stupid-and-also-pretty-ugly guy.
first off, we'll call these two mr and mrs x, even though they're not married but thats not the point. mr and mrs x are quite frankly the worse couple ever. they constantly fight with each other and when they're not, they are macking on and dry humping like a combo of hamsters and horny fucking little 13 year old pre-teen cunts. they get saliva on each others face and everything its disgusting. and they do it in front of everyone. however not so long ago things were taken further out of hand and mr and mrs x split for good. thank god. but now for some stupid reason mrs x is getting her rags on mr x and spreading rumours about herself being pregnant (or pregas as her bogan vocab expresses) with mr x's baby. quite frankly it would be the ugliest shit on the fucking planet so no one wants this satanic little cunt born. mr x claims that he didn't even blow his load in the condom (the bastard prooved it when he showed me the condom he discarded into the garden of one of mrs x's neighbours) and mrs x's 'slight associates' tell me that she was on the pill. if this baby s real mr x would be the unluckiest fuck ever.
the truth is mrs x is not 'pregas' and mr x is still a dirty ugly prick. i am not siding with anyone as simply thinking about there 'act of love' or there devil spawn makes me want to munt my guts up. however what REALLY gets on my fucking tits is a fatal flaw in mrs x's retarded plan. whilst me and mrs x's 'slight associates' were delving into the 'facts' surounding her pregnancy we discovered a hole in her plot. THE MOTHERFUCKING BITCH STILL SMOKES. now if the baby was real this would have become truly fucked up and i might have gotten ma 9mm and popped some and caps in her fat ass (after she had the 'baby' i'm not a fucking kid killer like mrs fucking x). but the fucking retarded part is that she is unashamed of smoking while preggos and thinks her baby will be fine and in the meanwhile gets mrs x gets drunk and fucks 50 koalas, all of which could end up in her munting up the already dead fetus.
now that her already fucking stupid plan has been foiled mrs x still continues to pretend she is preggos when cleary shes just fat and retarded. let that be a lesson to all girls. don't do the stupid shit that mrs x does and dont be as retarted as her. and a lesson for all the guys? dont be as ugly and dumb as mr x. or Jizzy P will get you.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever been at school, hanging out, when you see a really good looking gal with huge bazongas? And then decide to venture into the toilet cubicle for some alone time...? Well if you have your a freak and are way too gnarley for my tastes, but lets talk seriously. I know full well that on this blog its not customary to 'PROMOTE' music,( like MGMT's new album in stores now at all good retail stores check it out only 24.95 check it out c'mon do it) but it has to be noted that this weekend (or thursday to be precise) is a pretty special night on most peoples calendar. 'Cookoos Nest' will be headlining the nash for the very first time in only their second gig, and hope fully they will be as pissed as ever. I feel like a bit of a douche saying this but they really do us at GNARLEY SHIT proud. Dont forget the red apple band either. Just before i hit it, have you ever been driving down the highway only to see a dead parrot? And decided to wrap it up in a Mcdonalds paper bag and put it in somebodys letter box? Well then your me.

held hostage by a motherfucking spider

i had the choice of doing two different blog entries. one of them was an angry hate filled attack on FUCKING PREGNANT TEENAGE SMOKER BOGAN CUNTS WHO SHOULD BE SHOT if only they weren't pregnant*. the other was 20 minutes of true fear that delves into the worlds deepest realms of evil darkness. this is that blog.

my home is a lovely place where i can eat bacon toasties and rap about how gay my 'roomate' is. at approximately 1pm after i woke i went into the shower. all was going wel as i was rapping about how good my bacon toastie will be when i looked up and in the very corner of the bathroom was a MOTHERFUCKING SPIDER. a big hairy motherfucker with eight fucking legs and eight fucking eyes and fucking a million hairs over its fucking body. the eight legged cunt began to make its way to the fucking towel rack. for reasons that i cannot remember i turned the water off and the spider stopped opposite the door off the shower which was right next to the exit of the bathroom. i was fucking trapped. for 8 minutes the spider didn't move, psychologically totrturing me with its mind games. i opened the shower door but the spider went into fuck you up position. for another 8 minutes the little fucker started to move. it eventually made its way back to the corner of the bathroom and i fucking got the fuck out of there not before flashing my penis at it.

such a heinous ordeal will not go forgotten. that spider cunt thinks its won but shit is gonna get fucked up. ima get the vaccum cleaner and a shitload of mortien and go medival on it ass. let that be a warning to spiders everywhere. stay the fuck out of Jizzy P's crib.

*i wll bring the teenager pregnant smoker entry soon

bullet for my "refering to everyone who is younger than you as like 12"

Just read about a faggotbook group called "refering to everyone who is younger than you as "like 12"'.
Im not even gonner go through all the things that give me the runs about this blog, but i will start of with the statement "like 12", the only people who use like like that are horny 12 year old pre teen so who ever made the group already looks like a fuckwit.
Second of all entering year twelve this year i have noticed a bunch of lame human barebacking slugswho think there top fucking shit because their older than everyone at school. The fact is your not your the same old faggot, if you think about it logically who ever can be cunted to make a facebook like that are a fucking looooser.
My point is please dont become one of these ass driblers and join this group.