Drawing willies.

When you're sitting in class and you're and you have a pencil and a blank page in front of you, what do you do? School work? Wrong. You draw penises. Now drawing willies and bellsecks is all normal and part of every young boy's life growing up. It's not deviant or means that you're a pervert or homosexual. The boss gave me a list that some have contributed to of weiners to draw in my free time. Here are some off that list.Swastika cock.

Britney Spears.

Cock coming out of apple.

Banana cock.

Pigeon cock.

movie review: wolf shit.

don't you hate it when you watch something and afterwards think you just wasted 90 mintues of your fucking life on this piece of shit? this movie is one of those.
now i like a good 1980s horror movie they are all pretty crap but as long as they have lots of tits and gore than who cares? the howling failed to deliver on all these terms. instead of beoobs and people getting their tongues ripped out through their asses we get about 90 minutes dedicated to boring the absolute shit out of us. like seriously, this could have been a rad 90 mintues of nakede chicks getting eaten and shit.
according to the opening credits this is based on some book. so it MUST be good right? the writers should have actually said to themselves "hey this has got barely any naked chicks or violence. we gotta fix this." there are some nakedness, but that only includes a rape porno scene and some werewolf chick with a hairy minge. you can't wank to that. i had ma willie flopped out and it was limp throughout.
on the positive side the special effects are pretty cool WHEN THE FUCKING WEREWOLVES ACTUALLY APPEAR which is pretty much the last 20 minutes. the start is also kinda cool i guess. but the rest is shit, the acting cheesy but not cheesy enough that its funny, characters don't run while the werewolf transforms, which takes about 10 fucking minutes. this movie is shit. fuck it. fuck it hard.



p.s. the financial report is dead. drawing willies are in.

Stang Fights

Nights dont get much more Gnarlier than 'GOD SAVE THE FIEND' at the weekend, just thought i would say. Seeing as this bogus blog has no actual subject matter to blog about, finding something interesting to post comes as rare as David Guetta on MS, which isnt very rare anymore.HA. Way too many brain cells were destroyed on Her Majestys B'Day.
No Gnarley Shit post would be complete without a shout out to one of the boys, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY STANG BABY!!! we all love you and your lanky physique, who partied harder than any other at the NASH. Here is a video i KNOW you will enjoy...

movie movie movie review! DYN-O MITE.

around saturday, when i was supposed to being working on that media folio or read that book for literature, i watched a movie called Black Dynamite. FACT: blaxploitation movies will always be boss. solid. blaxploitation movies are all about bad motherfuckers that take no jive from no turkey. especially THE MAN. the man sells crack to orphans, kills babies and gives brothers small penises. so when the man takes out black dynamites brother, he is all on the scene to bring justice to the killers, all the way to the top. you dig?

this movie is boss. no better word for it. you are actually more of a man after seeing it. just get a ruler and put it next to your weiner before and after watching and see if there isn't a difference. the movie is all about old school astheisics and it would be forgiven to think this was actually made in the 70s, the era of blaxploitation. a satire, as well as a tribute, comedy reigns supreme. try not to laugh at a scene where a kid trys to buy crack off black dynamite. the dialogue is all ryhming, smooth talk and the technical errors present in the old blaxploitation are shown here in all there hilarity (one scene shows a boom mike over black dynamites head and he keeps looking at it awkwardly).

so everyone, i highly recommend this movie. watch it and then show your friends. Black Dynamite gives you 'ooooooooooooooooo!'

Just An Update

Dont get excited people, this isnt a proper post. For all those people, who like myself cant understand how facebook works half the time, I thought it would be a laugh if I posted some of the best pictures from the weekend that really do sum up 'GNARLEHY SHIET'. Thanks to all the fags who took the photos, our lives are better with cameras.

SNFU

For those who like skating and eating shit.

I started skating around 2003, fucked if i know how long ago that was. All i remember is me and my friends use to ride push-bikes, flash our asses at cars, play fight, wear boots and chew our sleeves. Then one day my best friend bought a skateboard and I was like "what the fuck is that" he said a skateboard and I told him he was gay. He'd skate behind me wilst i was on my bike, skate in my kitchen, skate by himself, skate when fucking ever.

After awhile i realised how dope it was and stated skating my self. We lived in the shittest town ever to skate in, the skate park was full of large coping and dero's with knives, and the best street spot was a four stair with a drop and gap next to it. We skated every day, just eating shit, learning to kick flip, ollie a gap whatever. It was way too hot to skate in the summer, so we'd start at 630 and get home at 1230 or 1, just to watch jackass at one of our mates house.

Those were probably the funnest times of my life, just being filhy 12 year old skate rat.

The band SNFU reminds of those filthy good times. Cutting the sleeves of your flip skateboards t-shirt, geting some old dude to buy you a six pack of jimies, falling of a ledge and hitting your head so hard you cant remember shit but you can see the bone of your pinkie finger. Any one who is into the skate-punk thing should definitly check these guys out, and if your getting into it, this is were you should start as they a one of the mothers who gave birth to it.
These guys are fucking fucking fucking rad.
http://www.myspace.com/snfuband

Their coming to melbourne as well, july 14th, the arthouse.

zonic yoof.

we here have decided to put a litta bitta musak on this blog because we honestly got nothing else to really put here. i mean we do maybe 2 posts a week? only if your lucky. and if we can be fucked. we'll bring this shit along with our other pointless miserable crap just so you cunts can at least get something out of this. any of you MOMENTARY folk feeling like we're copying you then we will make fal will fight you. okaay??



i like sonic youth. a lot. the chick is hot. i'd bang her. not realy she's old and wrinkly and shit. maybe back in the 80s. i'd totally do the other chick who guests in this song. she still bangin. this song is about a manson murder or something it's got dead bodies in the clip which is cool and hardcore. the song is from there third album Bad Moon Rising. download that shit don't buy it HAHAHAHA SUCK A FAT PENIS COPYRIGHT.

if you liked that too much than this will probably be a waste of time because its a waste of mine writing it. the fucking financial report. i hate this shit.

i had an idea after this weekend. i bought these mints right and there all small circular shaped and white. i think i'll sell them to purple mo-hawked muzzas and say they're pingaz. take that cunts. make them real expensive and shit. then i'll buy porn and never leave the house yeah. fuck the financial report.

PEEP SHOW

You know something amazing is sure to happen when your in a tribe of 15 horny boys with their boners half flopped out searching for a 2 dollar peep show eating maccas on lonsdale street in MelVegas, AFTER leaving a fully banging club where the beers are cheap and the bitches are swinging, AFTER drinking numerous cocktails named SANDRA SULLY and BRANGELINA, WHILST watching the big kahuna skull the backwash of 10 peoples different drinks. All this only hours BEFORE getting buck wild at a seperate party, filming Gackson be Golum on your camera phone. And this amazing something that DID in fact happen, was a really fun weekend. Peace.

I hate Everyone and everythinbg everything is gay you suck fuck you i dont like you please eat nuts roast cookem put em in a stew fucken piece shit cu

Blogs are gay. No qeustions about that. There "hom az" as one fellow bloogers said, and well i dont have code nam for him Liam said they gay. Sheell give it a bad rep aye fuckjer. Eat my Dick Please.
My riddle for you today.
If you are geting a gobbie in a car and by chance that car crashes and the girl or dude bites your willie off and you die.
If you are driving a car with a girl and the car crashes and you die.
Which is better, dying wilst getting a gobbie but with no dick. Or dying with dignity and a dick.
But please this in mind, if you die wilst getting a gobbie then the girl will die with your willie in her mouth FUCK YEAH

Shits About to get Karazee!

It has come to my attention recently that, on cuntbook, over the next month or there abouts is 2341233123 events. All these events involve every filthy piss head party boy i know, and involves them, well, being the filthy piss head party bOyS they are. I can see many sleepless nights, alcohol poisonings and the odd person quenching their thirst from the nash toilet bowls ahead. But in NO way are any of those necessarily bad things. Maybe the poisoning is a bit rough. Maybe. But fuck it. Going to keep blogging, even if complete utter trash is what your reading now. 

PS. JACK JOHNSON GOT HIS P'S.

...and now, the financial report.

you may remember back when i first signed on to this piece of gnarley shit i was fresh faced blogger new to the entire shindig. as part of my contribution i was to include a financial report ...and i never did one. some may be cranky about this, none more so than our boss (who isn't dead or moving blogs. he's here to stay!) who gave me a good yelling and brutal poking about it today. so here it is. the financial report.

i currently have no job at all so money isn't something i get to see regularly. every 2 weeks my lovely mother gives me $10 to rip up the town. thanks mum, i may be able to get a whole 3 quarters of a six pack on that. now recently mum hasn't been giving me my 10 buckaroonies for about a couple of weeks now. kinda gay. DON'T JUDGE MY MUM ASSHOLES. even with the ten bucks which get me a little booze, i get by my weekends by scabbing goon, asking for ciggie drags and wandering into doobie circles. i'm so cool.

however, things have changed recently. for one thing, mumma started giving me 10 dollar bills yall again. WEOW getting drunk on friday. but on my saturday hangover something far more beautiful happened. some of my familay came own for lunch. at the time i didn't know that they were down 2 weeks in advance for my birthday. they all together gave me $90. WEOW getting drunk on saturday.

with one third of the 90 gone and another 10 on the way means sweet sweet sweet, but i am looking for that job that will multiply the sweet by X8. sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet. maybe i'll get some darts and pose like a sick cunt and then start a fight with a fuckin metro because i can pay for beer bottle to stab cuntz with. sweet sweet sweet.

The Fun Tun Tingle Times!

Ive came to a few realisations over the past couple of days, the one that sticks out in my mind the most is what you do when you get home from school, during a spare, is not rip a bong, think about what shit your gonner push into the toilet, but in actual fact you go straight for the computer and look up porn.
Now dont be shy lads its all natural to give the one eyed snake a beating, specially if theres some fine arse moe bring her tang into action on the screen.
Spicing things up can be a tricky wicky so next time your looking at porn dress formally, look up bi sexual on tiavas and listen to "Hybrid Moments" and kaboom fun tun tingle times untill you spoof all down your gooch.
Amen and thank god for redtube, tiavas, porn tube and zoo tube for the freaky faggots

See You Buddy

Over the last few days, GNARLEY SHIT has suffered a few minor setbacks. With the shock loss of one of our many memorable contributers, and the CREATOR of this faggety blog, our many other bloggers had to take a look in the mirror and take a day or so to really assess our options. haha not really. This blog is like, what, 2 months old? And every post just talks shit about facebook and j-walking. So, i think us here at GNARLEY CUNT will continue talking trash about shit and j-walking, and let our good friend and colleague who is sadly departing go and venture into other blogs. Let him talk trash about the Iraq War and other piles till his hearts content. Let it be known though, that this unfortunate event will do nothing to damper the spirits of the blog. We will continue to bash your brain to shit with line upon line of un-intelligent, meaningless cod, so fuck you NAKED TRUTH, fuck you real good. GNARLEY SHIT is gonna dress the truth in jeans, a shirt, a parka and all the scarves and beanies it can find!

"Hi, Can I help you?" "No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say hi."

yet another facebook group that invokes hate within everyone except the socially retarded and abscent minded has hit the net waves. "Hi, Can I help you?" "No, just waited in line for 15 minutes to say hi." is the most recent offender and by far one of the worst. so far i have seen 6 people join this group. all 6 of them are officially assholes. imagine if you will that you are at your job. your job is at mcdonalds. it is at around peak mcdonalds customer time (so about 6 or 7 or something i don't fucking know) and there is a big fat line. you have to serve all these people and give them a satisfactry level of service. this includes having a nice smile on your face and politely addressing customers because if your don't do this the boss will fire you and you'll have no money to buy all that porn you want. now imagine during peak mcdonalds customer time, some self rightous snot-nosed desmond fuckstick is your next customer in line. you say: "Hi, Can I help you?" then the little cunt says: "No, I just waited in line for 15 minutes to say hi."
i honestly don't care whos watching, i'll jump over the register, pin the motherfucker to the ground and take a fucking massive shit in there fucking mouth. then i'll piss up there fucking asshole. not before i get the rest of the mcdonalds crew to lay some fucking bukaki on the motherfucker.
why is it that facebook groups and pages are so emo and just straight up gay? occasionally you might bump into one that isn't gay, very true and possibly unique, but too many are just retarded. this probably won't be the last you'll hear of shitty facebook fanpages and groups here so heed the warnings. Jizzy P out.

Birthday Party Weekend

Well Spent. Enough Said.

blah shit blah

*note: jack johnson is the code name for another person with the initials JJ. 'tis the hour of the one they call 'jack johnson'. 'tis the hour to celebrate all things the one they call 'jack johnson' hath gaven us. The loving of all those vajajays doth bring happyness to thy heart. The mature lady hath he christen in thy infamous 'Bungalow'. All thy green rooms he has riden. 'tis the hour to celebrate the 18th birthday of the one they call 'jack johnson', 'tis the hour to buy thy 'jack johnson' a beer or duece. In honour of the one they call 'jack johnson', get down and party with thy 'jack johnson' this end of week. Get filthy wherever you may be, for this weekend, the one they call 'jack johnson' will be with me. Shall i do all these chores to please thy 'jack johnson'? I shall! You shall too! GET GNARLEY FOR THY 'JACK JOHNSON'!

revenge is a dish best served not retarted. read and learn.

you think you know retarded? you think you know the depths of absurd, idiotic and fucked up? let me tell you a story of a stupid girls stupid revenge plan against a slightly-not-as-stupid-but-still-pretty-stupid-and-also-pretty-ugly guy.
first off, we'll call these two mr and mrs x, even though they're not married but thats not the point. mr and mrs x are quite frankly the worse couple ever. they constantly fight with each other and when they're not, they are macking on and dry humping like a combo of hamsters and horny fucking little 13 year old pre-teen cunts. they get saliva on each others face and everything its disgusting. and they do it in front of everyone. however not so long ago things were taken further out of hand and mr and mrs x split for good. thank god. but now for some stupid reason mrs x is getting her rags on mr x and spreading rumours about herself being pregnant (or pregas as her bogan vocab expresses) with mr x's baby. quite frankly it would be the ugliest shit on the fucking planet so no one wants this satanic little cunt born. mr x claims that he didn't even blow his load in the condom (the bastard prooved it when he showed me the condom he discarded into the garden of one of mrs x's neighbours) and mrs x's 'slight associates' tell me that she was on the pill. if this baby s real mr x would be the unluckiest fuck ever.
the truth is mrs x is not 'pregas' and mr x is still a dirty ugly prick. i am not siding with anyone as simply thinking about there 'act of love' or there devil spawn makes me want to munt my guts up. however what REALLY gets on my fucking tits is a fatal flaw in mrs x's retarded plan. whilst me and mrs x's 'slight associates' were delving into the 'facts' surounding her pregnancy we discovered a hole in her plot. THE MOTHERFUCKING BITCH STILL SMOKES. now if the baby was real this would have become truly fucked up and i might have gotten ma 9mm and popped some and caps in her fat ass (after she had the 'baby' i'm not a fucking kid killer like mrs fucking x). but the fucking retarded part is that she is unashamed of smoking while preggos and thinks her baby will be fine and in the meanwhile gets mrs x gets drunk and fucks 50 koalas, all of which could end up in her munting up the already dead fetus.
now that her already fucking stupid plan has been foiled mrs x still continues to pretend she is preggos when cleary shes just fat and retarded. let that be a lesson to all girls. don't do the stupid shit that mrs x does and dont be as retarted as her. and a lesson for all the guys? dont be as ugly and dumb as mr x. or Jizzy P will get you.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever been at school, hanging out, when you see a really good looking gal with huge bazongas? And then decide to venture into the toilet cubicle for some alone time...? Well if you have your a freak and are way too gnarley for my tastes, but lets talk seriously. I know full well that on this blog its not customary to 'PROMOTE' music,( like MGMT's new album in stores now at all good retail stores check it out only 24.95 check it out c'mon do it) but it has to be noted that this weekend (or thursday to be precise) is a pretty special night on most peoples calendar. 'Cookoos Nest' will be headlining the nash for the very first time in only their second gig, and hope fully they will be as pissed as ever. I feel like a bit of a douche saying this but they really do us at GNARLEY SHIT proud. Dont forget the red apple band either. Just before i hit it, have you ever been driving down the highway only to see a dead parrot? And decided to wrap it up in a Mcdonalds paper bag and put it in somebodys letter box? Well then your me.

held hostage by a motherfucking spider

i had the choice of doing two different blog entries. one of them was an angry hate filled attack on FUCKING PREGNANT TEENAGE SMOKER BOGAN CUNTS WHO SHOULD BE SHOT if only they weren't pregnant*. the other was 20 minutes of true fear that delves into the worlds deepest realms of evil darkness. this is that blog.

my home is a lovely place where i can eat bacon toasties and rap about how gay my 'roomate' is. at approximately 1pm after i woke i went into the shower. all was going wel as i was rapping about how good my bacon toastie will be when i looked up and in the very corner of the bathroom was a MOTHERFUCKING SPIDER. a big hairy motherfucker with eight fucking legs and eight fucking eyes and fucking a million hairs over its fucking body. the eight legged cunt began to make its way to the fucking towel rack. for reasons that i cannot remember i turned the water off and the spider stopped opposite the door off the shower which was right next to the exit of the bathroom. i was fucking trapped. for 8 minutes the spider didn't move, psychologically totrturing me with its mind games. i opened the shower door but the spider went into fuck you up position. for another 8 minutes the little fucker started to move. it eventually made its way back to the corner of the bathroom and i fucking got the fuck out of there not before flashing my penis at it.

such a heinous ordeal will not go forgotten. that spider cunt thinks its won but shit is gonna get fucked up. ima get the vaccum cleaner and a shitload of mortien and go medival on it ass. let that be a warning to spiders everywhere. stay the fuck out of Jizzy P's crib.

*i wll bring the teenager pregnant smoker entry soon

bullet for my "refering to everyone who is younger than you as like 12"

Just read about a faggotbook group called "refering to everyone who is younger than you as "like 12"'.
Im not even gonner go through all the things that give me the runs about this blog, but i will start of with the statement "like 12", the only people who use like like that are horny 12 year old pre teen so who ever made the group already looks like a fuckwit.
Second of all entering year twelve this year i have noticed a bunch of lame human barebacking slugswho think there top fucking shit because their older than everyone at school. The fact is your not your the same old faggot, if you think about it logically who ever can be cunted to make a facebook like that are a fucking looooser.
My point is please dont become one of these ass driblers and join this group.

fuck COD coming straight from the underground

i am sick of the hideous stinking pile of shit that 'COD'. yes some of you bloody weenies may say "but COD is sick" well let me say that you are gayer than a shaved monkey covered in baby oil with peirced nipples and a tattoo on its back saying "guys give me a blowjob then spew a footlong on my dick." if you haven't heard of 'COD' before than talk to anyone that owns an analsexbox or gaystation. a certain room mate of mine loves the fuckng 'COD' and plays it way too much than perscribed. this wouldn't actually bother me if this certain person didn't own a god forsaken fucking headset now all i fucking hear is "i got a triple keeeell!" and "fucking predator missle" and "UAV shit balls" and "magicdouche861 shot my head off and now my intestines are spewing from where my head was while i shit my spine out my asshole." and so to deal with this i blog like a weenie muffin with nothing to do but jack off over marge simpson. fuck.

Fucking Apollo Bay

What a terrific way to kick start the GNAR season (holidays). I imagined going on a 3 fucking hour bus ride to some gay shit town where everyone watches bad bands play horrible music and check out pre teen sprouters (actually, that last bit is pretty boss) would be fun. My imaginations had decieved me. After a weekend in Apollo Bay 'checkin' the mad vibes', i realised it actually was a 2 and a half hour fucking bus ride. A bit better. Except half the passengers were smoking DMT playing muzz tek on their phones. The only thing that stopped me from necking myself was listening to Kreg's stories of Chap lappin'. And by the way Ludakreg turned 18. Anyway, at the end of it all, it was pretty shit...and a little bit GNARLEY. Also i spewed in my own jumper and on myself. eww.

this is fucking bullshit

Some bored old fucks get really anoyed about jay-walking, usually the three triple oh or bearded bald 60 year old horny freaks.
Well ive got fucking heavy news for all you old cheese dicks, there is a new enemy in the law abiding v j walk-stand off, and you aint gonner get hard over it.
This has all came to me as i have been recently not going to home group. Yes thats right i pulled the weenie mum fed me for breakfast out of my tight ass hole and gulped it down and waged the fuck out of home group......... SO WHAT? as any smart fucker who can do their timetables would have figured out by now, is that in order to wag any old piece of shit you have to not turn up for it; with home group you have to turn up late to school.
So off i went waging homegroup, scratching my balls, beat boxing, the fucking usual when i notice something so disgusting itll make your nipples scream "1Lly!!!". An old man with breasts like over cooked muffins was jay-walking.

Wilst i was trying to not to spew all over my dick i noticed another heinus piece of shit jay-walking... A FUCKIN MUM with a FUCKING BABIE cunt tits shit fuck. I immediatly called the police and flashed my tits but im afraid it was tooooooo late, they had crossed the road.

Since then i have seen many a jay-walker cross the road and every time it makes me shit, but untill we get some solid enforcement looks like things are gonner get fucked up.

gnarley person of the week

if your a seriously gnarley dooooooooood then you will of course have heard of bear grylls. if not then go die. what makes ol' grylls worthy of gnarely person of the week?

he eats his poo and drinks his wee.

fuckin' gnarley.

My 'Urban Dictionary' Werd of the Day

To bring another completely irrelevent and pointless ongoing blog to 'GNARLEY SHIT', i will choose my favourite URBAN DICTIONARY word on the totez randomz occasion. So please enjoy some new editions to your vocabulary.

CRISCO TWISTER- Overly lubed sexual intercourse. eww

Listen up cunts!

Right! New to gnarley shit and blogging in general, I'll be filling you in with random shit (that's also gnarley) and as a request by the boss, a very very very special financial report that shows how i spend me moolah. Don't like that? Then fuck off! Jizzy P out.

coldsore

you wanna talk about fucken shit, fuck fuck shit, get you self a fucke cold sore and post a bloody blog about it.
Then go jump over bits of plastic with a clan of rightest fucken sports jocks and run 200metres andb suck your own ass.

What a Pile

2010, without doubt, is the start of a fuck load of 'GNARLEY SHIT'. After this blog you will continue to read a ridiculous amout of shit come out of my mouthh regarding drugs, beers and filthy weekends. But i hope you all continue reading this gnarley as shit blog to enjoy all the fucked shit that happens between friday and monday morning... So next time you are at a wild party, skull 100 beers, pull 30 cones(you dont have to) and slay at least one 25 year old teacher from the pub(sorry JJ). GNARLEY SHIT.

now its GNARLEYSHIT

gnarley shit is set to get a whole lot shitter.....

sucking on your guitar

fuck man i was suck on my guitar, that hole at the bottom of it that only weenie muffins no the name of, and i sucked out fuck guitar shit and ass juice.

Jesus Man

Needing to poo at 5 in the norning on a saturday
needing to poo at 8 on a saturday
needing to poo at 11 on a saturday
needing to shite at 130pm fucken hell
nothing worst than poos, actually theres nothing better than a good shit, shits are fucking amazing, but when your belly begins that whining scream at 5 oclock it is fucking poo ironically.
Was gonner get my indie gay face on and talk about "Tehran Calling" by Nam Le's "the Boat" but ill just have to say its off the ricta because i need to take a fucking shit

money

how fuck do i put adds on this bitch and make fucken cunt

the asylem for shit music

i love sahit music so what?
[prepare for slim dusty and devo
amen for that
ps good music sucks a cow clitoras

blog love

whatr the fuck is a bklog why the fuck are there blogs blogs are fucking gay so are commas i hate fucking blogs.
ill probably be into blogs in about five minuts because im fucking prentenchai
i smoke so what
this is fucking gay so what
blogs are fuck3n sicvj

sick cunt mgee

whad up?

wehad up?